Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
