my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
