yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She's JV to your varsity
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I party with great urgency now.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
