I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
