im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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