is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
