DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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