we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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