So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
