My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
