That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
