then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
We named our party play list daddy issues
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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