Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
