Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
