having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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