What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
