sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
