its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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