Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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