If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
