WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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