Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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