Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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