that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
