I just saw a hot homeless man
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
