There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
