actually, I'm a sock model
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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