So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
