Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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