Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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