We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
