I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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