At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
