I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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