1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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