So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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