Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
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