I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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