is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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