I just saw a hot homeless man
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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