Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The uberlube is also flammable
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
