apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
