WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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