I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
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I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
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Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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