Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
