i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
