Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize