Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
