You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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