I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Of course I have a pirate flag
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
