i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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