I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
