Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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