Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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