ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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