If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
