I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
