I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My ATM looks so different sober.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
