I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
