The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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