What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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