You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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