1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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