The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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