I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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