No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
40s are totally the cure
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm having to shit out rocks
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
