You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
