Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
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i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
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Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize