thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
