Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
