You work out of a Hotel?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
