Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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