How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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