Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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