Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
