forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
