Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
