Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
