I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
