You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
