I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
