Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
